I turn 41 in a few days. Since we don’t have much time in this season of raising three teenagers, my husband and I decided to get away last night to celebrate. I should have been excited, but I was worried I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the time.
I’m not good at drumming up positive feelings I haven’t prepared for. And, frankly, I wasn’t prepared for a fancy meal and an overnight stay in a hotel. Not because I don’t like those things, but because recently, I’ve been a witness to sad, hard things both in the lives of my friends and in the world. It’s hard for me, A). to shut off the sadness I know exists in order to have fun, and B). to do it right now.
My struggle to lighten up is likely due to a number of factors, one being my Myers-Briggs Type, but the reasons don’t really matter because the result is the same: I have to gear up to have fun, now more than ever.
Am I just an incurable Eeyore, or is it nuts for any of us to think we can pretend we aren’t living on a groaning planet–even if only for a couple of hours? I go back and forth on this.
On the one hand, I can’t believe we’re meant to stay in a perpetual state of sadness as we walk through this life. (Jesus seems to suggest otherwise). But, then, how do we notice the suffering around us without it ruining us? How do we look elsewhere for a minute?
I asked myself these questions when I lived in India, and their answers felt like the keys to the universe. I’ve been back in the U.S. for seven years, now, and I’m still asking…
So, last night, I prayed the Lord would help me look my husband in the eye at dinner and savor the artichoke fritters. I prayed he’d help me not to let my mind wander when we watched a movie afterward. I prayed I could stay in the moment.
And He did help. I forgot about Big, Heavy Things for little while. I laughed when I wasn’t trying. I had fun.
Maybe this is what daily manna looks like for me right now: Grace to dive deep and grace to come up for air. Maybe it will be like this for the rest of my life, and maybe that’s okay.
Good Morning, Girls 